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2 + 2 + 2 = 7 (Jokes)

Discussion in 'Non-Work Safe' started by MikeD, Sep 23, 2012.

  1. MikeD

    MikeD I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Seven, Sir.

    Teacher: No, listen carefully.

    If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Seven

    Teacher: Let me put it to you differently.

    If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?

    Johnny: Six.

    Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2,
    how many will you have?
    Johnny: Seven!!!

    A very angry Teacher: Where the in hell do you get seven from?!?!?

    Very angry Johnny: Because I've already got a f*****' cat
  2. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Ha! Good one.....I love that little Johnny!
  3. BryanForbes

    BryanForbes .410

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Nice one! Although the way they teach school these days, it's probably seven without the cat at home…
    Oldcarnieken likes this.
  4. carbinemike

    carbinemike Global Moderator Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Good one MikeD. Here's one I always found funny:

    1. Teaching Math In 1958
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

    2. Teaching Math In 1969
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

    3. Teaching Math In 1983
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

    4. Teaching Math In 1995
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 & his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

    5. Teaching Math In 2012
    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is a selfish, inconsiderate 1%er & cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our wood-lands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds & squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, & if you feel like crying, it's okay.

    6. Teaching Math In 2020
    Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
    Dinoble1 likes this.
  5. MikeD

    MikeD I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    ROFL....Good one.
  6. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    I think this is going to be the official "joke thread".....
  7. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really pissed.
    She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.
    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
    papa32129, Dinoble1 and Oldcarnieken like this.
  8. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

    Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

    The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

    Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
    "Hmm," says the Doctor,

    He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

    The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

    "No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
    papa32129, Dinoble1 and Oldcarnieken like this.
  9. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

    "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

    "Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

    "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

    I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the $%$@ out of all of you!"

    St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

    "Just a couple minutes ago..."
    Dinoble1, meanstreak and Oldcarnieken like this.
  10. carbinemike

    carbinemike Global Moderator Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Good ones Ripjack13! I liked the last one the best.

    Seal Team 6 sent Bin Laden to meet his maker. The Lord tells him that for his actions on earth he would now be left in a room to get his just rewards.

    In comes George Washington. He says "you coward. You attacked the nation I love!" and punches him in the face knocking out several teeth and breaking his nose.

    In comes Thomas Jefferson. He says "you have no respect for mankind!" and punches him in the stomach, buckling him over.

    In comes James Madison. He says "This is for the innocent people you killed!" and he gives him 2 black eyes.

    Bin Laden cries out from a heap on the floor, "Lord, you promised me 100 Virgins would kiss my ass if I did these things."

    The Lord replies, "no, I promised that 100 Virginians would kick your ass if you did those things".

    And the door opened again.
  11. MikeD

    MikeD I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A guy walks into a bar in West Virginia and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

    The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

    The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."

    The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"

    The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

    The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in the hell is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

    "No," says the Canadian "A taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi, I mount animals."

    The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."
    Oldcarnieken likes this.
  12. LAZY EYED SNIPER

    LAZY EYED SNIPER Overwatch Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Ha!

    Nice fellas... :lol:
  13. Smitty in CT

    Smitty in CT .410

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    75
    Another little Johnnie...

    The school board and a group of visitors are observing a class.

    Little Johnnie's teacher is nervous because she's got little Johnie in her class...

    "Today we're going to go over the alphabet, if you know a word that starts with the letter of the alphabet that we're on, raise your hand, and I'll call on you"

    "We'll start with the letter "A", right away, little Johnnie's hand shoots straight up, the teacher calls Suzy, "Apple", "very good" says the teacher.

    "B", again little Johnnie's hand goes up and he starts waving it frantically ... this goes on through "F", at this point, little Johnnie's about ready to loose it..

    Finally, the teacher gets to "R", little Johnnie's hand is again up, the teacher is going the mental list and thinks that "R" is safe... so she reluctantly calls on little Johnnie ..

    "Rat" says little Johnnie.

    ""Rat" says the teacher, "that's right".

    "Yeah, a rat, a really big f#@&ing rat, with a long f#@&ing tail..."

    Thanks Johnnie
    Oldcarnieken likes this.
  14. MikeD

    MikeD I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A man fell in love with the girl of his dreams. They were perfect for each other, except for one minor problem: She was an Ohio State Buckeyes fan and he was a Michigan Wolverines fan. He decided to make the ultimate sacrifice and become a Buckeyes fan.

    He went to the doctor and asked if there was an easy way to do this. The doctor replied, "Yes, it's a very simple procedure. What we do is go in and remove half your brain. When you wake up, you will be an Ohio State Buckeyes fan."

    The man agrees, and the next week goes into surgery. After he wakes up the doctor comes up to him concerned. "Sir, I apologize, but there was a mix-up with the scalpel. Instead of removing half your brain we removed 3/4 of it. How do you feel?"

    The man sat up, looked around, and said "GO SPARTANS!"
  15. OhioArcher

    OhioArcher Where's da fishes? Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    In a famous Budapest park you’ll find two beautiful statues, one of a nude man and the other of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for more than a hundred years. One day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two statues of them to life.

    The angel tells them, “As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you’ve wished to do the most.”

    He looks at her, she looks at him, and they run into the bushes. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and plenty of giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes of this commotion the two statues return, out of breath and laughing.

    The angel again tells them, “You two still have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?”

    “Shall we?”, he asks her. “Oh, yes, let’s! But this time change positions. I’ll hold the pigeon down and you can poop on its head!”
    NY Chamorro likes this.
  16. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    ^^^ now that's efin hilarious!
  17. carbinemike

    carbinemike Global Moderator Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A pilot annouces that the plane will crash and prepare for an emergency landing. Bedlam breaks out and everyone is panicking.

    A 20 year old woman near the front starts screaming over and over "I need a man to make me feel like a woman!"

    A good looking muscular guy in the back rises from his seat and starts approaching the front while unbuttoning his shirt. People can't believe what they're seeing as he gets closer and now has his shirt off. When he gets to her he asks "do you want me to make you feel like a woman?"

    "Yes" she replies.

    As he hands her the shirt he responds "iron this and get me a beer."
  18. MikeD

    MikeD I'm Your Huckleberry Staff Member Global Moderator "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter. "He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?" "It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
  19. ripjack13

    ripjack13 Resident Sawdust Maker Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    A guy walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer, he says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the guy hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; he has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

    Two weeks later, the guy returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
    The loan officer says, “Mister, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is – why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

    The guy replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for under 20 bucks and expect it to be there when I return?”
  20. LAZY EYED SNIPER

    LAZY EYED SNIPER Overwatch Staff Member Administrator Supporter "Philanthropist"

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    Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

    Ha! Nice...

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