• Mossberg Owners is in the process of upgrading the software. Please bear with us while we transition to the new look and new upgraded software.

2 + 2 + 2 = 7 (Jokes)

Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A woman wakes up in the wee hours of her 20th weeding anniversary to find her husband having a cup of coffee in the kitchen. She asks what he's doing and he tells her he couldn't sleep and was thinking about the old days. She asks him what specifically and he say the time when they were dating. She's touched and asks him if their was some specific that had him so nostalgic and a little sad looking.
He pauses and says "I was thinking about the time when we were foooling around in my car right after I graduated. Remember, your Dad caught us and shoved his Mossberg in the window and yelled that I was going to marry you or he'd see me in jail for 20 years."
She says "Oh yes, Daddy was sure mad at you since I was underage yet but why do you look so sad?"
"Because today is the day I would have gotten out!"
 
Re: pictures that make you lol

not a picture but still funny...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom, and he's got a lot of work to do.

First, he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But he finds that there is a huge line there! He finally finishes his rental and realizes that he has to go buy a corsage, so he heads to the florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. He eventually gets the corsage and has his tux, but he's got to go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place.

Finally, after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's an enormous ticket line at the door. They get in and start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink and there's no punchline.




and....

Did you hear there's a new cocktail created in honor of SuperStorm Sandy? It's just a watered-down MANHATTAN!!!
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.
Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

ripjack13 said:
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do.
Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."

He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

Ha!
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

ROBOT for Sale

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

He asks his son what he did that day.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says,"What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son!"

The robot slaps the mother........


End of Story.

Robot for Sale !
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A man returns home from a day on the golf course and his wife meets him at the door with a cold beer....

"So how was your afternoon Dear?" the wife asks...

The man takes a long drink on his bottle..."Absolutely horrible, this has been the worst day of my life"

"What happened, honey?"

"Well, you remember my friend Harvey?" asks the husband....

"Yes"

"Well, Harvey had a massive heart attack as we were teeing off on the third hole and died on the spot"

"Oh my God, that is horrible" exclaimed the wife....

"You're telling me Babe.......15 holes......hit the ball, drag Harvey.....hit the ball, drag Harvey. I'm friggin exhausted"
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet
wife ..... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks
... "What the hell does that mean?"

He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily and said ...
"Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving
his testicles.
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

ZING!!! Good one mossy!
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A cop makes a stop and finds an elderly lady behind the wheel. As she's pulling her license from her wallet he's surprised to see a CCL next to her license (since she is at least in her mid 80s). So he asks if she has a weapon in her possession at this time.

"Yes. I have a .357 Magnum in my glove box."

He asks if she has any other firearms.

"Yes. I also have a 10mm Glock in my center console."

"Ooooookay ma'am, do you have any other weapons in your vehicle? "

"Yes. I do have one more. I have a Lady Smith in my purse right here."


Scratching his head, the cop asks:

"Ma'am, what are you so afraid of?"

She looked him right in the eye and said,

"Not a damn thing sonny boy."
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in Chinatown.

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze rat, and $1000 for the story behind it."

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him. As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats following him.

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so your back for the story".

The guys says, "No, I was wondering if you have any bronze liberals?"
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

An Oregonian, a Californian, and a Texan were out camping.
They were lazing around the campfire when the Texan pulled out a bottle of tequila and after taking a couple of swallows, threw the bottle in the air, pulled out his six-shooter, and neatly shot the bottle.
The Californian noted that there was still some tequila left in the bottle, but the Texan replied, 'That's okay, we have plenty of tequila where I come from.'

The Californian promptly brought out his bottle of White Zinfandel, took two swallows, threw it up in the air, and shot it with a Glock 9mm pistol with the 10-round magazine, stating: 'We have plenty of wine where I come from.'

The Oregonian took all this in and finally opened a bottle of Henry's Blue Boar Irish Ale. He downed the entire bottle, threw it up in the air, shot the Californian with a 12-guage Mossberg, and deftly caught the bottle. The Texan's jaw dropped nearly to his silver belt buckle and his eyes opened nearly as wide.
The Oregonian, momentarily puzzled at the reaction, finally laughed: 'It's okay, we have plenty of Californians where I come from, BUT I can get a nickel for this bottle!'
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

ROFL
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

The other day, I was sitting at a long red light, when a car full of young muslim men came up beside me.
They were screaming all kinds of anti-American stuff. I just rolled my window up and locked my door.

Just before the light changed from red to green, the driver floors it, and the car shoots forward into the empty intersection. Just then, a tractor-trailer enters the intersection, running over the car, causing it to catch on fire and explode moments later, certainly causing a slow and painful death to the young men inside.

I sat there for a couple minutes, dumbfounded. I mean, that very well could have been me!
After thinking about it all night, I got up the next morning, quit my job, and signed up for truck driving school!
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

Cop pulls a guy over for speeding, walks up to the car and asks for license, registration and proof of insurance....

"I can't give that to you" replies the driver....

"Why Not?" asks the officer

"Because if I open the glovebox you'll see the baggie of weed and loaded 9mm in there"

Cop grabs his gun, orders the guy out of the car and cuffs him....

"Anything else in the car I should know about?"

"Well" says the driver, "There may be a kilo or two of cocaine under the back seat"

Cops in a panic now and calls for backup to get there as soon as possible....

"Anything else, dirtbag?"

"Yeah, you may want to put on gloves before you search the trunk.....I killed my ex this morning with an axe and threw her in there and it's pretty bloody."

Cop pushes the guy down to the ground and is holding him at gunpoint when the Duty Sargeant shows up for backup.....

"So whats the story, officer?"

"Routine stop Sarge, guy says there is a gun and drugs in the glovebox, more narcotics under the rear seat and the mutilated body of his ex-wife in the trunk."

"Wow, wait here" said the Sargeant as he went to inspect the car.....digging around the inside, opening up the trunk.....few minutes later he heads back to the officer....

"Well Sir.....My officer says you told him you had guns, drugs and a dead body in the car but after conducting a thorough search I don't see any of that. What's going on?"

Driver looks at the Sargeant and says "Lying bastard probably said I was speeding too, didn't he?"


:) :) :)
 
Back
Top