2 + 2 + 2 = 7 (Jokes)
- Thread starter MikeD
- Start date
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.270 WIN
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
not so much a joke, but tim reminded me of an event.
I got pulled over for speeding. 80 in a 65.
the officer was probably close to 400 pounds, rolling in sweat by the time he walked up to my truck on a hot oklahoma summer day.
looked at me and told me "its too damn hot to work a crash, slow down!" walked back to his car, turned around and drove off...I kept it under the speed limit for a couple miles.
not so much a joke, but tim reminded me of an event.
I got pulled over for speeding. 80 in a 65.
the officer was probably close to 400 pounds, rolling in sweat by the time he walked up to my truck on a hot oklahoma summer day.
looked at me and told me "its too damn hot to work a crash, slow down!" walked back to his car, turned around and drove off...I kept it under the speed limit for a couple miles.
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
Nice!
I've got one of those too. Was riding in the truck with a friend and his dad when I was about 12yrs old. State trooper pulls him over, walks up to the truck, and asks, "Sir, is there any reason you were doing 85 in a 65?" Before he could answer I blurted out,
"Sorry officer it's my fault. I farted about a mile back and he was trying to outrun the smell."
The young Trooper started laughing so hard he couldn't even talk. He just stood there wiping tears out of his eyes and waved us on down the road...
Nice!
I've got one of those too. Was riding in the truck with a friend and his dad when I was about 12yrs old. State trooper pulls him over, walks up to the truck, and asks, "Sir, is there any reason you were doing 85 in a 65?" Before he could answer I blurted out,
"Sorry officer it's my fault. I farted about a mile back and he was trying to outrun the smell."
The young Trooper started laughing so hard he couldn't even talk. He just stood there wiping tears out of his eyes and waved us on down the road...
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
A doctor friend tells me that when he was young he took an
entrance exam for medical school. The exam included several questions
that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was: "Rearrange the letters "P N E S I" to spell an
important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became doctors... The rest ended up in Congress.
A doctor friend tells me that when he was young he took an
entrance exam for medical school. The exam included several questions
that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was: "Rearrange the letters "P N E S I" to spell an
important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."
Those who spelled "SPINE" became doctors... The rest ended up in Congress.
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
Ooops,
I hope you guys'll vote for me...
Ooops,
I hope you guys'll vote for me...
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
I thought about the Amish show thread for this but here it is:
Two Amish women were digging potatoes from the garden. Rachel pulled out two large potatoes that were as big as her hand. She said to her friend "these remind me of Jakey's nuts".
Her friend smiles and says "his nuts are that big?"
Rachel replies "oh no, no, no. They are this dirty"
I thought about the Amish show thread for this but here it is:
Two Amish women were digging potatoes from the garden. Rachel pulled out two large potatoes that were as big as her hand. She said to her friend "these remind me of Jakey's nuts".
Her friend smiles and says "his nuts are that big?"
Rachel replies "oh no, no, no. They are this dirty"
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
A policeman spots an obvious drunk driver swerving down the road in the middle of the night and pulls over a drunk Irishman. The policeman approaches and says "Kelly, I should have known it was you. Tied one on again did you? Your in a lot of trouble. Do you realize that your wife fell out of the car a mile back?"
Kelly slurs out "thank God, I thought I went deaf 2 minutes ago."
A policeman spots an obvious drunk driver swerving down the road in the middle of the night and pulls over a drunk Irishman. The policeman approaches and says "Kelly, I should have known it was you. Tied one on again did you? Your in a lot of trouble. Do you realize that your wife fell out of the car a mile back?"
Kelly slurs out "thank God, I thought I went deaf 2 minutes ago."
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
Ha!
Nice ones Mike...
Ha!
Nice ones Mike...
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
A man notices a familiar woman looking at him in the grocery store but he can't place where he knows her from. He finally asks her "do I know you from somewhere?"
She says "you should. I had your son 3 years ago."
He panics and starts thinking. He remembers a night when he was really drunk. Finally he says "are you that stripper I had sex with on a pool table at the bachelor party?"
She looks pissed and says "no I was your son's teacher in 2010!"
A man notices a familiar woman looking at him in the grocery store but he can't place where he knows her from. He finally asks her "do I know you from somewhere?"
She says "you should. I had your son 3 years ago."
He panics and starts thinking. He remembers a night when he was really drunk. Finally he says "are you that stripper I had sex with on a pool table at the bachelor party?"
She looks pissed and says "no I was your son's teacher in 2010!"
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
So a young married gay couple is taking a ride on their motorcycle when they we were involved in a terrible accident where the life of one was take well before his time, and the other makes it out virtually unscathed.
A group of friends and family were trying to figure out what they wanted to do for the service…
”I am going to write the best speech, such a great guy he deserves a nice speech” said one , another piped up, “I’m going to make him the nicest casket ever, that guy deserves it”…..another replied “ I am going to carve him a killer head stone with a nice inscription” everyone rejoiced….
they all turned to his partner and said “what are you going to do for your husband’s service?”……thinking he said” I think we should cut him into little pieces and eat him,”……shocked his friend asked “is that some sort of twisted ritual!!?”……
.the man said “ Naw, I just want to feel him slide out of my ass one last time”
So a young married gay couple is taking a ride on their motorcycle when they we were involved in a terrible accident where the life of one was take well before his time, and the other makes it out virtually unscathed.
A group of friends and family were trying to figure out what they wanted to do for the service…
”I am going to write the best speech, such a great guy he deserves a nice speech” said one , another piped up, “I’m going to make him the nicest casket ever, that guy deserves it”…..another replied “ I am going to carve him a killer head stone with a nice inscription” everyone rejoiced….
they all turned to his partner and said “what are you going to do for your husband’s service?”……thinking he said” I think we should cut him into little pieces and eat him,”……shocked his friend asked “is that some sort of twisted ritual!!?”……
.the man said “ Naw, I just want to feel him slide out of my ass one last time”
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
Anatomical Facts
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women: will be finished reading this by now.
Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.
Anatomical Facts
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.
The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women: will be finished reading this by now.
Men: are still busy checking their thumbs.
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
good ones!
Ugggggggh!
That's not right. I think it's more like twice the lenght of a foot.
good ones!
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
^
^
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
I recently started callin my bathroom 'the Jim' instead of 'the John'.
...this way I can still honestly say I go to 'the Jim' every morning...
I recently started callin my bathroom 'the Jim' instead of 'the John'.
...this way I can still honestly say I go to 'the Jim' every morning...
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry,
So she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes:
'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results,
So,the following week she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
The Chinese laundry man became very annoyed,and when her clean Laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!!
USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!!'
A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry,
So she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes:
'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results,
So,the following week she enclosed another note: 'USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!'
The Chinese laundry man became very annoyed,and when her clean Laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
'I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!!
USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!!'
