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2 + 2 + 2 = 7 (Jokes)

Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

you funny.
 

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Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

af1391802b5e01300649001dd8b71c47
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before."

The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on my way to find a job."

The owner asks, "What do you do?"

The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."

The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking for someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me if you're interested."

The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent and musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifully than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?"

The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Screwing Their Brains Out."

The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a terrible name for such a beautiful song. Do you know any others?"

The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this guy's talent and musical abilities. He's almost afraid to ask but he does ask what the name of the song he just played.

The guy answers, "I Screwed Her All Night Until She Couldn't Take Anymore."

The owner again was shocked. The owner says, "Ok, you play beautifully and the songs you have written are incrediable. I will hire you, but you have to promise not to tell the name of your songs to the patrons." The guy agrees.

That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed as the owner was with this man's musical abilities. After playing two songs the crowd stood up and applauded. The guy was really pleased and stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and faced the audience, it was apparent that his zipper was open and his pecker and balls were hanging out.

One of the patrons close to the piano says, "Sir, do you know your dick and balls are hanging out?"

The guy smiles and says, "KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!"
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocked on the window.

The driver rolled down the window and asked, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and

they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asked.

The man replied, "roughly a gallon."
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

carbinemike said:
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocked on the window.

The driver rolled down the window and asked, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and

they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.

We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asked.

The man replied, "roughly a gallon."
Click to expand...

Do they need matches?
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican." Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan.."
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A Communist, a Muslim and a Kenyan walk into a bar.......

Bartender looks up and says "What can I get you, Mr. President?"
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

ripjack13 said:
A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.
Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan."
The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?"
Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican."
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.
Little Johnny answered, "Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican." Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom were a moron and your dad were an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan.."
Click to expand...

Where do you find this stuff??? This is a good one! :lol: :lol:
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

A BLONDE JOKE THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE......

She desperately wanted a pair of beautiful alligator shoes.

... After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, 'Well, then, maybe
I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile,
'Well, little lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, and spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand.

He saw a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the blonde took aim, shot the creature and
hauled it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blond struggled with the
gator.

Then, rolling her eyes, she screamed in frustration ......

Son-of-a-gun!! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO !
Click to expand...
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

I met a girl in the park the other evening.
There was an instant spark between us and
she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on
the grass at my feet.

As we lay making love, I thought
These Tazer guns are well worth the money . . . . .
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

Somebody found this online and posted it over on IllinoisCarry......it made my spit coffee on the keyboard so I figured I'd share it with you fine gentlemen.
We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of **** lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences.....but Dad always had those pieces of **** chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80 humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created..

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire...I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???)..

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.
Click to expand...
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

You just can't make that up.... you just can't... I felt like I was right there with'm :lol: :lol:
 
Re: 2 + 2 + 2 = 7

George W Bush and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave.

Obama was quick to stop him saying, “No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.”

The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?”

Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”
 
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