Moving from Texas to Tennessee was tough.
Being away from our families is hard, but for me adding to the burden of being homesick is that I'm several hundred miles away from the nearest Whataburger. To some this may not seem like a very big deal but for those that grew up in Texas, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Just the mere mention of Whataburger's spicy ketchup is enough to make a Texan salivate and their green chili double cheeseburger is as Texas as being legally allowed to open carry an AR-15 into the eatery to order one. All that said, here's where the prank comes into play:
So I call my Pop one day to check in and see how he's feeling after getting home from an extended stay in the hospital. Says he's feeling well and is out grabbing a bite to eat. I knew from the tone in his voice that there was more to the story and I willingly took the bait. "Where are you Pop?" "Oh, just at a burger joint", he says. "Which one?" Oh, I forget the name", he says. "Is it Whataburger?" "That sounds about right", he says. "And is that a green chili double you're eating?" "Yup", he says, followed by a sinister chuckle muffled by the sound that can only be my favorite burger in the world between his mouth and the phone.
Told him that it was so thoughtful of him to enjoy one for me. We laughed about the time a couple years back we had a similar conversation and that afterward he collected all the wrappers, empty ketchup packets, even his drink cup, then pressed them flat and sent them to me FedEx overnight delivery. When they arrived everything still smelled like the food. It was vicious, but really funny. After the trip down memory lane I explained to him in the most suggestive tone I could muster that it was well within his means and opportunity to pack a Whataburger green chili double in a small cooler, seal it up with an ice pack and overnight it to me instead of some trash. He says, "Yup, I could do that." I laughed it off and we finished our conversation.
Over a week later I get home and as I walk up to the front door I see a small package. When I saw that it came from my Pop I remembered our conversation and immediately got excited. That was until I opened the package and was immediately greeted with the smell of rotting food that had me wondering how the package had not been flagged by the NTSB as some sort of biological agent. I reach into the package to throw it away and the receipt inside was dated the day of our conversation, eight days earlier. He had bought the burger that day before he left and intentionally sent it UPS Ground in an unsealed box. It was the middle of summer and the burger had decomposed in the sweltering heat on the road between Texas and Tennessee. It doesn't take much imagination to think of the odor emanating from that box. Had to Febreze the entire house to get rid of the smell before my wife came home.
Called my Pop to let him know I got the package and was greeted with the bellowing sound of satisfied cackling I've come to know over the years. He was a proud man that day and the event stands as one of the best pranks we've exchanged between us over the years...