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2 + 2 + 2 = 7 (Jokes)

Re: ...guy walks into a bar

mingaa said:
Hey - it's a good day for a few laughs!

A pony walks into a bar and whispers to the bartender, “Can I have a beer?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but why are you whispering?” The pony answers, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little hoarse.”

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

The string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bar tender say's "what is this, some kind of a joke?"
Click to expand...

Two guys walk into a bar.


The third one ducks...
 
A woman says to her husband.."whisper dirty things in my ear"...husband says, "kitchen, bathroom, living room"

100 women were polled on whether or not their ass was to big. 15 said yes. 15 said no. 70 said they didn't care how big he was they love him no matter what.
 
Police in Chicago last night announced the discovery of an arms cache

of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition,

200 pounds of heroin, 5 million in forged US banknotes and 25

trafficked Latino prostitutes -- all in a semi-detached house behind

the Public Library.



Local residents were stunned, and a community spokesman said:

"We're all shocked; we never knew we had a library."
 
Letter to a Mens Help Line.......

"Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem: I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep. Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket. Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?"



Sent from behind the hood of a long nose pete.



Sent from behind the hood of a long nose pete.
 
A man walked into his crowded local bar, waved a revolver around and yelled, "Who here has been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You're gonna need more ammo!"
 
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wweujqGL1Xo[/youtube]

Just saw this, I didn't laugh until the end because everything was sadly true
shifty.gif
 
:lol: oops I just did it. :lol: dang did it again......
 
An old cowboy walks into the local barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets 2 little wooden balls from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put them inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed those little balls.

The barber replied, "Just bring ‘em back in a couple of days like everyone else does".
Click to expand...
 
I just threw up in my mouth a lil....but had to tell my buddy! LOL
 
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned
to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total
stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God,
or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which
the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ****?"

And then she went back to reading her book.
 
Where do you guys get this stuff... admit it, you find joke websites! Archer... that one was pretty darn funny :D
 
We have a joke section in the archery forum I use. Stole it from there...gotta love that little girl, though...LOL.
 
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000. The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????" The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.
Click to expand...




aksavanaman said:
Where do you guys get this stuff... admit it, you find joke websites!
Click to expand...

The majority of the stuff finds me. I get stuff in my inbox everyday from various friends, etc. Some of the other stuff I just stumble across
 
The Offering

The Baptist preacher just finished his sermon for the day and proceeded toward the back of the church for his usual greetings and handshaking as the congregation left the church. After shaking a few adult hands he came upon the seven year old son of one of the Deacons of the church.

"Good morning, Jonathan," the preacher said as he reached out to shake Jonathan's hand.

As he was doing so he felt something in the palm of Jonathan's hand. "What's this?" the preacher asked.

"Money," said Jonathan with a big smile on his face, "It's for you!"

"I don't want to take your money, Jonathan," the preacher answered.

"I want you to have it," said Jonathan. After a short pause Jonathan continued, "My daddy says you're the poorest preacher we ever had and I want to help you."
 
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